


The Night Before Last

by cloverdog



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Canon - Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Gen, No Dialogue, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, can be read as platonic or otherwise, let them be happy, they sure as hell aren't happy in this tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 15:37:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8407261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloverdog/pseuds/cloverdog
Summary: The night before last, Xion had started pressing her hand flat against his chest as he slept, all but holding her breath as she focused on what she felt under her fingertips.The night before last, she had felt the beat of his heart for the first time, slow and steady, against her palm.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place a little around day 321 (I think that's the day?) when Roxas wakes up crying. Mostly canon-compliant.

Xion stood in the hall, hands clutched to her chest, and eyes fixed on the slot under the door. No lights shone from under it. Roxas was asleep, and likely had been for some time now.

Just as every other night, she was rooted in place, eyes on the floor and hoping he could open the door for once.

Since the third day she’d been back with the Organization, this had been her routine.

Every day started exactly the same. She would wait around in the Grey Area after breakfast until she knew Roxas had left for the day’s mission, and all the while, she would hate herself for not approaching him with anything more than an apology she could never find the words to elaborate on. She had stopped expecting him to come to her after the first few tense days with barely any words exchanged - what point was there for him, anyway? He was going out of his way for nothing. She seldom had anything to say, and he never seemed to think beyond a greeting before approaching.

Things had been like this since Axel had brought her back; but she hadn't expected things to have soured between Roxas and Axel, no matter the circumstances. Something about that made an aching hole open in the pit of her chest. Roxas deserved someone to talk to, laugh with, eat ice cream with; a shoulder to lean on, and a hand to hold… Neither of them were those people anymore. Roxas rarely went to Axel for anything now; in the mornings, their exchange usually consisted of the redhead shooting him an apologetic or otherwise unhappy glance, and Roxas returning a simmering glare or no acknowledgement at all. It had to be wearing on him; Xion knew it. She knew, from the time they had all spent together, that Roxas believed with every cell in his body that he couldn't bear to lose the two of them--and yet, here they were, each tangled in things they didn't understand without the others for support, and Xion too afraid to drag Roxas down by telling him about any of what she'd seen and heard. It felt, to her, like she was the only one to blame for his loneliness. His fears had crept into the waking world because she had left the Organization. 

Meetings on the clock tower were scarce now. Whether she appeared or not seemed to be a mental coin toss she had no control over now - and more often than not, she ended up on the side that kept her from going to Twilight Town. Roxas never failed to show, just as before. He hadn't once missed a day. Axel wasn't there often; it seemed he showed just as often as Xion, and the meetings were less joyous now. Sure, she and Roxas could smile and talk sometimes; and they ate ice cream on occasion. But, whenever Axel was present, the air became tense - more than once, Xion had spotted him from around the corner and turned tail to run back to the castle. Even if she understood why he'd attacked her seemingly out of the blue... There was nothing to patch up the trust she couldn't deny was broken, long after the headache had faded. There was no longer a sense of companionship, warmth, or happiness around the clock tower; there were no longer choruses of laughter and chatter, and always one or two less people than usual. Now, any meetings were short lived and quiet. Something about it didn't sit right with Xion, even though she was contributing to the tense atmosphere in part.

Roxas's mission yesterday had been a routine one; only shadow glob elimination. Xion had assumed it was strenuous, at first - and all because of what she saw in Twilight Town that afternoon. Just as she usually did, she had stopped short at the corner and looked out at Roxas. It had become a habit of her’s, pausing at the corner to peer out at the blond before she joined; and it was always to gauge whether or not she was welcome to sit alongside him. That afternoon, looking out at Roxas where he sat on the edge of the clock tower, Xion had almost turned and gone back to the castle. The blond was slouched in his usual spot, hands folded in his lap, and eyes fixed on his shoes instead of the sunset or the town below as usual. His gaze was blank and heavy: for a moment, Xion almost wondered if he had reverted to that zombie-like state he'd first arrived in that Axel teased about. Axel himself was sitting to his right, farther away than usual. He was just as still and silent as Roxas, staring out over the distant train tracks without so much as swinging a leg over the edge of the tower. He didn't seem to notice the state that the blond was in. She had taken a deep breath to brace herself for whatever may come; and as she'd rounded the corner, clarity seemed to return to Roxas. He didn't once look at Axel; he never straightened his back, or moved his eyes from his shoes. He remained in a heavy cloud of silence, and Axel sat a bit farther away from him than usual. When Xion had sat by his side, every inch closer that Axel had moved away, he had lifted his head; but not by enough to look any less exhausted.

He'd looked years older than what he was in that moment. His eyes, usually as bright as the summer sky, were dull and lifeless. His posture was that of someone defeated. There were faint shadows under his eyes from sleepless nights, and his lips were cracked where he'd bitten down on them too hard.

That afternoon, Roxas returned to the castle before Xion of Axel had; it was the first time he'd ever done such in all their lives, and it had led Xion to pause longer than usual outside of his door that night.

She shouldn't intrude.

She should leave, let him rest, give him some space and some peace.

Xion wrung a hand tightly into the front of her sleep shirt, and raised her other to knock lightly on the door - too lightly to wake him should he have been asleep. Silence followed the knock; she was almost relieved. She wasn't sure what she would ever say if he truly opened the door to her to ask what she wanted. Xion could never put it into words.

Gradually, she opened the door, only far enough to slip in through the crack, and taking care that she didn't let go of the doorknob until it was shut soundly behind her. She released it so slowly, she may as well have been moving underwater. When the door was closed, she walked right to Roxas's bed, careful on her feet, thought she didn't look at him. She knew that he was always facing the window; and that he would have kicked the blankets off of his legs by now. The room was quiet, only disrupted by their breathing; Xion’s faster, Roxas's softer. She hadn't woken him when she opened the door.

He only stirred when she slipped into the bed next to him; just like every other night she had done this  

His breathing hitched before he yawned, a familiar sound that accompanied his waking, stretching out languidly. He tugged the blanket down over his toes before rolling onto his back to give Xion room beside him. As soon as there was an open space, she curled up to him, head rested on his shoulder, and held onto the front of his shirt; she didn't understand why he moved over, as she always ended up halfway on top of him. Roxas settled drowsily as soon as she had gotten comfortable, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling the blanket up to her ears with the opposite hand, head tucked in a bit to rest against Xion's. Roxas held her as close as he could until he drifted off again, when his grip would loosen and he'd inevitably kick the blankets back to the side of the bed, wordless in his acceptance of her presence there. Xion was glad he never spoke. She wouldn't know what to say, or what had compelled her to sneak in in the first place. She didn't know what questions he could have - only that she would never know the answers. The first night this had happened, weeks upon weeks ago, he'd only yawned a raspy goodnight; since, the quiet had become somewhat of an unspoken language to them.

The night before last, he had started kissing the top of her head before he fell asleep.

The night before last, Xion had started pressing her hand flat against his chest as he slept, all but holding her breath as she focused on what she felt under her fingertips.

The night before last, she had felt the beat of his heart for the first time, slow and steady against her palm.

It was only tonight that she mourned it, tearful and silent, as Roxas dreamed beside her of someone wearing red; someone that was asleep, just as Roxas was. 

The next morning, she would not be beside him when he woke with tear stains on his face.

He would never tell her about it. 

It was part of his routine. 

**Author's Note:**

> i would say i'm sorry but nomura hasn't yet so 
> 
> I will apologize if my need to kick Axel's shins out showed through this at any point though


End file.
